Pseudo Relationship: Better?

PSEUDO RELATIONSHIP

She is a 28-year-old virgin. He's a 35-year- old bachelor. Both mountaineers, they became close during their climbs. After a few dates in posh restaurants,
He brings her to his condo where they would make
out. They have been doing this for months.
She wants to believe that "sila na" but then she's
not really sure about it. "We don't talk about it but it doesn't really matter,"
she'd tell her friends. "What's important is I am enjoying this -- whatever
it is."

She is a 24-year old copywriter. He is an architect. They met and became lovers in college.
They broke up last year but remained to be "friends."
They send sweet text messages and he calls her
often to make sure she's okay. They still date.
They still have sex. They don't see anyone else.
It is obvious that they still love each other but when
asked about their situation,
she doesn't know the real score.
Even her friends are in the dark. "Parang sila, pero
hindi."

She works in a telecom. He is reviewing for the
board. They are in the same barkada. They talk on the
phone till 4 am. He gives her chocolates, flowers and CDs even
when there is no occasion. Their friends are suspecting something.
Bakit sila nagsosolo kapag may overnight inuman?
Why does he hold her close on the dance floor?
Bakit sila magkaholding hands lagi? Sila kaya?
"He hasn't admitted anything," she rants.
"But I let him hug and kiss me. Parang kami, pero
hindi."

They work together in an ad agency. After office,
they would watch movie, have dinner and stroll at
Glorietta. She gave him Harry Potter books for his birthday in
exchange for posing as her boyfriend to make an ex jealous.
They made out during the company outing in Subic
and never talked about it. He said "I love you" once but she wasn't sure if
she heard him correctly because they were both drunk
then. But one thing she is sure of is her feelings for him.
She likes him. And she's assuming that with
what he's doing to her and with her, he likes her,
too. There's just one hitch: he has a girlfriend!

The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage. Others call it
MU or mutual understanding. Pseudo-
relationships. Pseudo-boyfriends. Flings. Almost like a
relationship, but not quite. It is a phase where the persons involved are more
than friends, but not quite lovers. Puwedeng may verbal
agreement, puwedeng wala. One or both of you may have admitted your
feelings, possible ding hindi. You just let your gestures do the talking for you.
Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari.
Hindi kayo mag-dyowa. Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga
sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi.

This kind of "relationship" can happen at different
stages for different reasons.
It can happen after a break-up. You still love each
other, and you want to be with each other but you broke
up for a reason. And for reasons that you alone know, ayaw niyo
na muna magkabalikan.

It can also happen before a relationship, iyong
pareho kayong nakikiramdam. Possible din na
ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso kaya kunwa-
kunwarian lang muna. Testing lang. Puwede ring hindi
puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo --usually
the guy --may ka-relasyon na.
Kaya habang hindi pa siya nakikipag-break doon
sa girl (sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon pero di naman niya
ginagawa), wala muna kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi
siya nangagaliwa kasi "hindi naman kayo."

This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be
fun. Lalo na kung naghahanap ka lang naman
ng "kalaro." Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may
patutunguhan kayo kasi wala talagang kasiguraduhan.
So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set
up ganoong hindi naman sigurado kung may
patutunguhan?
Iba't ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang.
Puwedeng "buti na iyan kesa wala" or puwede na
iyang "pantawid-gutom."
Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing,
doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian.
For those who are not in a serious relationship,
they would think that pseudo-relationship is better
than no relationship at all.
It would be fun, if all you are after for is that "kilig"
feeling.
Aminado naman ako na once upon a time,
may mga pseudo-relationships din ako. No
commitments involved.
For the simplest reason that they couldn't commit,
because they were either committed to someone
else, or that they weren't ready to commit.
My rationalization, "okay na iyun, kesa wala." Ang
habol ko lang naman,
iyong kilig feeling. Iyong merong nagtatanong kung
kumusta araw ko.
Iyong merong ka-cuddle sa beach outing.
Iyong kapag tumunog ang cellphone,
mapapangiti na ako dahil alam kong galing sa
kanya ang message.
Iyong merong laging kasama. Habang wala pa ang
the real thing,
puwede na itong pagtiyagaan.

But then I learned that although it was only a
pseudo-relationship,
the emotions were real. And usually, in this kind of
set up,
ang babae lagi ang lugi. Una, you can't ask him to
commit.
Since it's not really a relationship,
you can't demand commitment from your partner.
Ano ba kayo?
May K ka nga ba magpasundo ng hatinggabi?
You will always be uncertain about your role in his
life.
You can't expect him to be always there with you.
And if you feel jealous of the other girls, you just
have to keep it to yourself.
Ano ka ba niya para magselos?

Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him?
You can't be sure if he feels the same way.
Baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya.
Even if you are dying to tell him you love him, you
can't.
Because you're not sure if he'll like it. Baka
mapahiya ka lang.
This stage will always make you wonder where
you are in the relationship.
Or if there is a relationship at all.

Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much?
What if you have invested all your emotions and
this man hasn't?
What if you remain faithful to him, not entertaining
other guys,
only to find out that he is seeing other girls?
Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is
fleeting.
When a disagreement sets in, or when one of you
gets cold,
then that would be the end of it.
Unlike in a serious relationship,
hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar sa isang
pseudo-relationship.
Wala kang pinanghahawakan. Kasi sa pseudo-
relationship,
there is no "us." Meron lang "you and me,"
hindi "us." Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang
ang mararanasan mo.
Kaso, hindi eh. Real pain. And usually, kahit tapos
na ang pseudo-relationship,
hindi mo maiwasan umasang one day, may
karugtong pa rin iyun.
And you will be miserable, hoping to bring back
what you used to have,
only to find out eventually that the guy is in another
pseudo-relationship with somebody else. Ang
hirap, ano?

You agreed to this kind of set up for fun and then
you'd end up hurting yourself in the process. Pero
puwede naman maiwasan ang pain eh.
Puwede naman na hindi mo muna isipin ang future
and just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of the
consequences.
But if you are certain that you are going to hurt
yourself in the process,
kailangan mo mamili.

You can be happy and live the moment without
worrying what would happen next. Or you can stop
settling with pseudo-relationships and wait for the
real thing.

When I was younger and in a pseudo-relationship
with an unavailable guy,
a friend told me, "Sige, kung ayaw mong
magpapigil, bahala ka.
Magpakasaya ka. Pero huwag kang iiyak-iyak
pagkatapos,
dahil tatadyakan kita."

Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya
sa iyo, gawin mo.
Ihanda mo lang ang sarili mo sa consequence.
Dahil ang "parang kayo pero hindi" stage ay
bihirang nagiging totoo.
Usually, hanggang
doon lang siya... almost, but not quite.

-iceman

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About this blog

I'm Louie Anne Angulo (a.k.a. LADY CRUCIAL) and this is my spot, my blog... This blog is a compilation of all quotes, sayings and lines that may inspire you and motivate you especially when it comes to love.... This also contains all my stuffs.... SITE UNDER CONSTRUCTION!!!